Posts Tagged ‘ stress ’

What’s been eating at me lately…

So as of late, there are a number of things that have been gnawing at me and I’ve been hanging on to the hope that the sensation to explode with frustration will subside, but it hasn’t, so I’m gonna steal the next few moments to just vent.

So I’m not gonna bore you or take a long winded approach at this and make this a finely comprised blog filled with fancy fonts and things, I’m just gonna get right to it. So to the things that have been eating at me…people who come into a good job, or family member who comes into a good job then it turns into a big show of “oh hey look at me, i got a fancy car and a fancy big house and blah blah blah’, well guess what, no one gives a shit. Good for you for living life in excess, and vanity, but for those of us who have to scratch and claw every damn day to make it by for his family, we don’t brag about our money because we stay humble as a reminder that the hard work we put in everyday is worth it, plus we don’t have it! I’m not saying everyone is like that, because they are not, but in my life experiences, I’ve come across those who are like that, and it just makes me pissed because it’s not out of jealousy that that upsets me, but I feel like it’s rubbed in my face and a not spoken “hey you’ll never have what I have” kind of feeling that just makes me work harder. So to the “so called” family and friends who live that life, it’s no wonder I don’t talk to you.


The next thing on my list is people who get pregnant and parade it around like you won the damn loto, well good on you, but for those of us who are less fortunate to not be able to create another life and bring that life to this world, it fucking hurts. My fiance and I have tried for years, and for us to not have another child in this world sucks, but we’ve come to accept that we were blessed to have the hurricane that is out son and are ok with it, but when you have people who can’t even take care of themselves getting knocked up out of the sure vanity and attention of it is just bullshit. I wish you the best of luck, but don’t come crawling on your knees begging for attention when things get tough.


Last point I will address and then I’ll wrap this up is what friends I’ve made along my journey in life. I’m greatful to them for being here for me and my family, but to those who disguise yourselves as friends but drop from the face of the earth then show yourselves when it matters to you, get bent. I’m not much of a people person as it is, and when I spend my energy to try and be and remain friends, it’s god damn exhausting. I try and make arrangements and things but when it comes to another excuse it’s exhausting to keep up the positive point of view. My fiance and I have tried and are trying to be more “social” but when shit like this happens, it’s like why bother, but hey what can you do, you can’t change the world, that’s just the way it is.


I can’t wait forever

So earlier this week, it happened. Something I didn’t foresee or expect. A layoff. I thought I was done with those, but I guess not. Now while going through this, I did experience some of the normal feelings that come with it. Anger, frustration, sadness, fear, anxiety…All normal things. Now I was promised that this would not be a permanent thing, and I should, SHOULD being the key word here boys and girls, be back to work before month end. Not while that’s all well and good, I don’t really want to sit and wait for the event that end of month comes, and nothing has changed, I’m still out of a job. So I can’t wait. I need to get looking now in the event that something happens and I don’t go back to my job. I loved it there, I really did. the environment, the people, how close it was to home. I loved it. But I can’t sit on baited breath hoping I get a magical phone call saying “Hey, we have the new contract signed and you can come back to work on Monday.” I have to look now. Fingers crossed a friend of mine can come through for me on a possible job where she works, which would be awesome but we’ll see.  BTW, this was just a short update haha. Nothing super major or dramatic to blog about today. Just wanted to get all that off my chest. Until next time kids!  #MaximumEffort

This is a short rant so keep that in mind.

Feeling like a bottle under extreme pressure as of late, what better forum to release that tension then in a rant. I’ll keep is short as I don’t want to end up rambling on.

Last weekend we went to a convention in Syrcause that we’ve been building up for for weeks, the word was spread, family was called, friends were told, stuff like that. And in the hopes that we would have more family attend to support us, hardly anyone came. Sure I know that people have lives and driving anywhere from 2-4 hours is tough, and with some having little ones, I can completely understand the stress and potential trouble of traveling can be. But when you can’t even say I can’t make it or atleast lie about why you can’t come, that upsets me.

Another thing that bugs the hell out of me is the fallout of this election. People were divided, still are. People were at each other’s necks because their candidate won over the other, still are. friendships were ended, or broken, and now there are riots, murders, and I doubt it will end there. I always have wondered what would happen when chaos reigns over us all and I feel in the coming months, we will find out.

Lastly, back to my first point about family. I have some family, not on my side because God forbid they give a crap, but I have family on my fiance’s side that atleast gives a shit, well some of them anyway. On my side, I have hardly anyone. I have family sure, mom, dad, step dad and step mom, a few step siblings, two brothers, a sister in law, a friend who i considered my sister, a niece, a cousin, hell I even have family that doesn’t live all that far form us. All of which I haven’t seen in coming on five years. Yeah social media is great and all, but to be face to face with them, to talk and to spend time with them is WAY better. Which is why I made the extra effort to suggest they come visit, as they were only a 2hr drive, way better then the 4hr one they would have had to make to come all the way to our place to visit. But no, no phone call, no text, no message on facebook…nothing from no one. and now that it’s been almost a week, still nothing.

So here I sit, crushed under the weight of sadness, bitterness and rage, all over a family that for a moment I thought would have taken time from their “busy” lives to come for a Sunday drive and visit, catch up, spend time with us, but alas, NOPE. So I’m twisting arms anymore, not begging or pleading or ever asking anymore. I have officially reach the point of no return on those people.

I know that I said this was gonna be short, and it is, compaired to how I still feel and the cussing and things I wanted to add. So in closing, I say this. Sure you cannot pick your family but if I had it my way, I’d pick to be with out any of them before having to deal with them. this feeling may change, in time, but not today.

The things in the world that bother me.

So I thought I would take a moment to just vent about the things that bother me that I either see, live through, hear, watch so on and so forth. This rant is in no way or in part of singling anyone or anything out and I am aware that that no matter how much I complain, the issues of the world are never going to fully go away so here goes….(And I got to thinking about this and I figured that I might just list the things that bother me versus going on in a big long paragraph hahaha).

1-Donald Trump.
2-Politics in general.
3-People who feel its right to toss religion into everything. (While I have no issues personally when it comes to religion, it does bother me when, even if the situation doesn’t call for it, religion always comes up or it’s placed in it.)
4-When you get these young folks (Yep I went there, even though I may not be too old in age, I feel I have an old soul) drive down the road blasting their damn music with the bass cranked way up and you can’t hear it! Like come on people, I know you love to listen to your music as super loud levels, but if your bass is causing the frame of your car to rattle apart, it’s unnecessary
6-People who ride on the coat tails of others to gain what they want. I know that this is an everyday thing that has began since the dawn of time, but it’s still a thing that kills me a little inside.
7-Nosey people who don’t know how the hell to stay out of someone’s business. If something does not concern you or you are not part of the conversation, don’t feel that you need to jump right in and have a point of reference.
8-The whole pants sagging thing. I know that it’s a clothing trend to let your ass hang out but like seriously?? The whole world doesn’t need to know what color your boxers are.
9-The “Hey I’m not your kid’s parent but I’ll act like it anyway” outbreak. Yes this is an outbreak because more and more people are catching it and it needs to stop.
10-Kids who jump on the music bandwagon and have never heard of anything by the artist. Case in point:David Bowie. Yes I’m sure that there are kids out there in the vastness of time and space who have listened to David’s music, but I’m also sure that there are ones out there who have not and decided to, on the day of his passing, sport their best Bowie shirt that bought from Hot Topic, and then cry because he passed away. Not to sound mean but really?? You’re 12. I would get it of Justin Beiber vanished or One Direction broke up….oh wait nevermind.
11-This is possibly one of the biggest things that get me, and it’s one I heard last night….
When a 5 year old needs a bebe gun. My finace’s aunt had mentioned it last night at our little family gathering that her daughter’s “man” wants to get his son (no it’s not her’s) a bebe gun and that he has fired a real one. Really? Do you not see the writing on the wall on how this is a terrible idea? Yes I know that other families do the same thing and that it will never change but when one considers the source of where this is going to come from, this boy treats his gf, my fiance’s cousin, like a slave, he has abused her both physically and mentally, and from my understanding is very rough on his kid, and now he wants to get him a bebe gun. Right….and when he shoots your in your face and you lose an eye over it, tell me, in what way was it a good idea to go and buy him one?

I hope you can relate to the rants of a man who’s had his fill of certain things and yes, in a small way, I was channeling my hero George Carlin, who always spoke his mind no matter who it pissed off.





Why do I…

Why do I feel as though the plans I have for my family and I always seem to fall through. I find us a house that I thought would have been a great little place to start our life, but it’s proving out to be more trying then anything else. The house we’re renting needs repairs, mainly to the exterior which we’re praying that the landlord will follow through on making right. The other thing that has be me upset is the fact that my fiance and I were looking to get married next month. With given our circumstances and our income (when I say our income because I work and she may not have the “9-5” job but her job is 24-7 with being a stay at home mommy, and that’s the way we wanted it to be), it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen as planned. I just wish that things were different and we didn’t have to struggle every month just to stay ahead of the 8 ball. I want to marry the woman I love more then anything but I don’t want to be deemed as a failure because I couldn’t do the one thing she was looking forward to more then anything. I just hope that with everything that is being stacked against us is just a bad joke and the punch line is coming so I can get it over with.