Posts Tagged ‘ love ’

Why do I…

Why do I feel as though the plans I have for my family and I always seem to fall through. I find us a house that I thought would have been a great little place to start our life, but it’s proving out to be more trying then anything else. The house we’re renting needs repairs, mainly to the exterior which we’re praying that the landlord will follow through on making right. The other thing that has be me upset is the fact that my fiance and I were looking to get married next month. With given our circumstances and our income (when I say our income because I work and she may not have the “9-5” job but her job is 24-7 with being a stay at home mommy, and that’s the way we wanted it to be), it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen as planned. I just wish that things were different and we didn’t have to struggle every month just to stay ahead of the 8 ball. I want to marry the woman I love more then anything but I don’t want to be deemed as a failure because I couldn’t do the one thing she was looking forward to more then anything. I just hope that with everything that is being stacked against us is just a bad joke and the punch line is coming so I can get it over with.

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Man on fire

As of late, I have felt like a man on fire. Between my performance at work improving everyday, my relationship with my fiance is improving and is shows, and family life getting more and more amazing, nothing at this point will stop me. My life is now moving forward with a momentum that cannot be haulted or derailed, shaken or rattled. I wake up everyday and thank my lucky stars that I am blessed with an amazing family, a great job, and great friends. The only thing that I am going to worry about now is when is the next chapter in this adventure I call my life going to begin because I am ready. I am…a man, on fire.

3 weeks down (almost)

Well 3 weeks of being back at work are just about down, and I’m feeling an enormous strain on my memory to retain all that I have learned, and had to remember. Though I for one never claimed work to be easy, and these past weeks have proven just how tiresome it can get when trying to retain all sorts of training at once. And on top of that, our son has been pushing all the right buttons as of late because I think he knows both mommy and daddy are tired and stressed over the looming holiday, like any family would be.

But at the end of the day, after the smoke from the hours before bed have settled, I take a step back and look at my day and realize that I accomplished something. I may never see the fruits of my work, but it’s the understanding that I did something that may have changed the day, week, month, year of the person I spoke to. Not to mention that when I get home, and spend time with my family before bed I have that realization that the work I do not only helped someone, but also allows me to provide for my family as well.

So to whom ever may read this blog I would hope you can take with you the understanding that no matter how hard your job is, no matter how stressful being a parent can be, and how some days you ask your self, can I keep going?  The answer is yes. Yes not because you get a pay check, but yes because the family you love and depend on for support, depends on you to provide that shelter for them, and that love for them. So no matter how hard things get, never give up, keep pushing, if not for you for them.

So a long, short story.

So once apon a time I was alone, sad, misserable. I spent alot of my time sitting around at my mom’s house calling her love seat my stoop. Than one day, I stumbled across this girl on Myspace (hehe I said Myspace) and we started to have a conversation. Well this girl was in another state, several miles away, and our only means of communication was Myspace (hehe I said Myspace again), Yahoo, and the phone (Thanks Verizon!). Well this girl and I started talking more, and more, and more, and more, and the mor I talked to her, the more I fell in love with her. Her smile, her eyes, her personality. I felt, for the first time in a long time, at ease. I could be my self with her, and I didn’t feel alone. So one day I told this girl I loved her, because I did. Everything about her made me feel like I had a horde of butterflies in me. And when she said I love you too, I melted. I couldn’t believe it, I had replay those words in my head just so I wasn’t going crazy.

Well once we got our feeling put in order, we came up with a plan. The plan? To be together no matter what. Distance didn’t matter. People’s reactions to a relationship with someone from the internet didn’t matter. I loved her and she in turn loved me. Well we discussed our plan, and decided to spring it into action. One hot July night that girl and her mom decided to pile in to their Caddie and take a little trip. Was I a nervous wreck? OMG I was, not because of what she would say when she met me in person but the idea of starting a new in a different state. Well as we listened to Blue Collar on her Razor, we rolled along the interstate and NY bound we were. Well needless to say that 4 years, one awesome cat, one amazing son one engagement and a love that’s unbreakable, unshakable, and continues to grow more and more each day. Sure like any couple we have are arguements, but hey, who doesn’t. But at the end of it all, when it’s bed time, and our son is fast asleep, we both know that we love each other and no one or nothing will break our bonds from here to Infinity and Beyond.

I love you.

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