Posts Tagged ‘ family ’

This is a short rant so keep that in mind.

Feeling like a bottle under extreme pressure as of late, what better forum to release that tension then in a rant. I’ll keep is short as I don’t want to end up rambling on.

Last weekend we went to a convention in Syrcause that we’ve been building up for for weeks, the word was spread, family was called, friends were told, stuff like that. And in the hopes that we would have more family attend to support us, hardly anyone came. Sure I know that people have lives and driving anywhere from 2-4 hours is tough, and with some having little ones, I can completely understand the stress and potential trouble of traveling can be. But when you can’t even say I can’t make it or atleast lie about why you can’t come, that upsets me.

Another thing that bugs the hell out of me is the fallout of this election. People were divided, still are. People were at each other’s necks because their candidate won over the other, still are. friendships were ended, or broken, and now there are riots, murders, and I doubt it will end there. I always have wondered what would happen when chaos reigns over us all and I feel in the coming months, we will find out.

Lastly, back to my first point about family. I have some family, not on my side because God forbid they give a crap, but I have family on my fiance’s side that atleast gives a shit, well some of them anyway. On my side, I have hardly anyone. I have family sure, mom, dad, step dad and step mom, a few step siblings, two brothers, a sister in law, a friend who i considered my sister, a niece, a cousin, hell I even have family that doesn’t live all that far form us. All of which I haven’t seen in coming on five years. Yeah social media is great and all, but to be face to face with them, to talk and to spend time with them is WAY better. Which is why I made the extra effort to suggest they come visit, as they were only a 2hr drive, way better then the 4hr one they would have had to make to come all the way to our place to visit. But no, no phone call, no text, no message on facebook…nothing from no one. and now that it’s been almost a week, still nothing.

So here I sit, crushed under the weight of sadness, bitterness and rage, all over a family that for a moment I thought would have taken time from their “busy” lives to come for a Sunday drive and visit, catch up, spend time with us, but alas, NOPE. So I’m twisting arms anymore, not begging or pleading or ever asking anymore. I have officially reach the point of no return on those people.

I know that I said this was gonna be short, and it is, compaired to how I still feel and the cussing and things I wanted to add. So in closing, I say this. Sure you cannot pick your family but if I had it my way, I’d pick to be with out any of them before having to deal with them. this feeling may change, in time, but not today.

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Off we go…again

So I’m brushing the dust off my blog and have decided to take up typing out an update and to peal back a layer of skin and let flow where I am today. So over the past year things have been the roller coaster ride we never asked for.The job I had decided to close up shop in the building I’ve come to know and a job i’ve come to love. I made the most of the last 3 months following the news of the layoff and put in some effort to find a plan B as I was not traveling, let along uproot my family to a major city. So I made a decision to find work closer to home and I had, and it was just in time as my start date was the week after the site closed. I was one of the last few to bid a farewell to my friends whom I’ve worked with and got to know as that chapter came to a close. 

 

Now with the start of my new job, came new friends and new adventures! I became friends with some of the most unique, talented, and as down to earth as you could find. When I joined the new company I had finally thought that this was it, this was going to be the job I knew I wasn’t going to leave and it happened again. On a faithful Saturday in February, I received a call, and bad news stuck again. for the second time in less then a year, I was on the outside looking in. Thankfully I had built up enough weeks to be able to collect temporary assistance until I found new employment. Now while being out of work, I did make the best of my time by doing the one thing I was not able to do in a long time, and that is spend it with my family. We had an adventure to Pa to visit the rest of my family and friends, we had fun in the snow when it fell, and enjoyed the sun shine on the best days of spring.

 

The time off gave me the chance to be able to visit T’s school for an event called Real men read day. It was something new that was started this year that gave the dads, grandpas, and brothers a chance to come and read to the children in the school. That was an experience I will carry with me as it gave me a chance to be closer to my son, something I missed. I also had a chance to be able to spend time with my loving fiance. She has been a rock, keeping me from falling to pieces when everything else seemed to come undone. Without her, I don’t think we would have been able to make it like we did. I know that because of me being out at work, we drifted apart and I don’t think she will ever know how being able to spend time with her being off of work had made me appreciate her more then I could ever express.

 

So now for the present…Two weeks ago, I received a phone call that took this ride on a complete 180. While being out shopping with the family, my cell phone rang with the good news, the best news in month. I was offered a job to start that following Monday! It wasn’t too far away from home, it was familiar ground for me, and let’s face it, the pay was better. So I made the decision and took it. I was up the next day to fill out paperwork, and just like that, I’m back to work. I’ve completed my first week of training and so far so good. I’m not as nervous as I thought I would be considering that there is so much more to learn but life is all about learning something new. So we’re off and running…again.

Why do I…

Why do I feel as though the plans I have for my family and I always seem to fall through. I find us a house that I thought would have been a great little place to start our life, but it’s proving out to be more trying then anything else. The house we’re renting needs repairs, mainly to the exterior which we’re praying that the landlord will follow through on making right. The other thing that has be me upset is the fact that my fiance and I were looking to get married next month. With given our circumstances and our income (when I say our income because I work and she may not have the “9-5” job but her job is 24-7 with being a stay at home mommy, and that’s the way we wanted it to be), it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen as planned. I just wish that things were different and we didn’t have to struggle every month just to stay ahead of the 8 ball. I want to marry the woman I love more then anything but I don’t want to be deemed as a failure because I couldn’t do the one thing she was looking forward to more then anything. I just hope that with everything that is being stacked against us is just a bad joke and the punch line is coming so I can get it over with.

On my mind…

So alot of things have been on my mind as of late. Always making sure that my family has everything that they need. Going to work with the same positive attitude everyday no matter how tough it can get. But there is a silver lining through all of my un-needed doubt in my abilities. That boost of confidence given to me by my family like He-Man gaining the power of Castle Greyskull, I get my second, third, and sometimes a fourth wind and keep pushing. But, like all things, there is always more on my mind like will the bills be paid, does our son need anything, does my fiance need anything. But when she tells me that we’re gonna be alright, I know she is right. We’ve been through tough times and had gotten by with less. I suppose that with being a man in my position in life where more things are added to my plate the further along I walk through life,all of  these worries, are all part of the plan…I’m not one to follow a plan, but I guess now is as good a time as any. I’m just thankful that my family keeps me going with all of the love and support they give me every day.

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